Kelly Slater is drifting away from the sport in a fug of disinterest; competition retard, Dane Reynolds, is turning into this year's Ricky Basnett. The man, therefore, filling the vacuum of total awesomeness is an elfin redhead from Maul, Dusty Payne.
Dusty, barely 20, has won close to a hundred gees in the last six months; thirty at the Oakley Pro Junior in Bali, ten in check from high-placings on the WQS tour (he is rated tenth) and fifty in the Kustom Airstrike,
Fifty gees! For an air reverse! In a contest devoted to the wildest of inverted tricks, it was an old fashion air reverse that made its owner rich. The Sportswriter called Dusty to ask how a stock move scored the cash.
THE SPORTSWRITER: Hey, Rusty, it’s
Derek…
DUSTY: What’s that? Rusty? It’s Dusty, man…
THE SPORTSWRITER: You know I adore you.
But, I prefer Rusty.
DUSTY: Whatever (laughs).
THE SPORTSWRITER: So, what’s happening
with the fifty gees? Y’spent it?
DUSTY: Not yet. I’m going to hold onto it, invest it
wisely.
THE SPORTSWRITER: What constitutes a
wise investment? GM stock?
DUSTY: Property in Hawaii. Real estate’s pretty
solid.
THE SPORTSWRITER: Invest in pussy, kid,
it’s the only growth industry. I got a few
leads, if y’need ‘em.
DUSTY: Ha! A lot of people from Hawaii would
invest in that.
THE SPORTSWRITER: Have you spoken with
any of the other finalists? Clay? Jay? Ry?
DUSTY: No, but I’ve been hanging with Mitch
Coleborn.
THE SPORTSWRITER: Have I told you I can’t
tell you and he apart? You look like twins:
puckish elves with crowns of blazing red
hair.
DUSTY: We are completely different! For one, I have
blond hair; he has red hair!
THE SPORTSWRITER: You have hair the colour
of a young Katherine Hepburn, red as
the sun, as magnificent and bold as a Santa
Barbara wildfire.
DUSTY: Are you kidding me? It’s white!
THE SPORTSWRITER: Say, y’ever thought
you’d win a ton of cash with an air reverse?
DUSTY: No way. Not a chance. I thought, guaranteed,
a crazy flip’d win.
THE SPORTSWRITER: How’s this turn rate
for you?
DUSTY: It’s the best one I’ve ever done. Best one,
fore sure. But there are so many talented surfers
out there. People probably do ‘em like this every
day.
THE SPORTSWRITER: You been getting
nailed by the haters who say an air reverse
shouldn’t have won? The net forum’s full of
‘em.
DUSTY: Not really, people probably say stuff behind
my back, but that’s okay.
THE SPORTSWRITER: Y’know what you can
tell these losers?
DUSTY: What?
THE SPORTSWRITER: You tell ‘em Joel
Parkinson handpicked the winner. You tell
‘em that the number one surfer in the world
studied all the entries and after days of
deliberation chose yours.
DUSTY: No way! Get outta here!
THE SPORTSWRITER: Said your’s was the
most critical, said it would’ve broken a
lesser man’s legs…
DUSTY: Wow! That’s so sick.
THE SPORTSWRITER: Does it strike you as
ironic?
DUSTY: Why?
THE SPORTSWRITER: Joel steals Triple
Crown off kid. Now he gives you fifty gees.
It’s a satisfying symmetry.
DUSTY: Yeah, it is. He took a pretty good one off
me. He did owe me.
THE SPORTSWRITER: Have you bought Joel
a gift?
DUSTY: I’ll buy him a beer for sure.
THE SPORTSWRITER: Joel’s a hugger. I predict
he’ll take you in those bear arms and tell
you that he secretly adores you…
DUSTY: Secretly? Adores? Me?
THE SPORTSWRITER: … and he’ll tell you
he hasn’t recovered from sinking your Triple
Crown hopes. The pain of guilt meant his
decision on the Airstrike came entirely from
guilt, not merit.
DUSTY: I think so, too.
– Derek Rielly
Dane Reynolds is on the cup of 24 years, a cygnet amongst the tour's ancient fowls. You know the story so far: Dane qualified for the WCT in one year and won the next's rookie of the year before steering his one-of-a-kind surfing into a bog on this year's grand experiment of gassing first-round losers. But, what interests Stab, is Dane's fabulous and growing enigma.
THE SPORTSWRITER: Listen, I’ve been drowning in
Dane Reynolds anti-competitive quotes ever since you
joined the tour. But, tell me, have you ever been overcome
by a surge of competitiveness?
DANE: Ha! No! Shit, I don’t know, really. When I get on a wave
I don’t really think too much. I just try and attack it. I’m not
competitive like I see everyone on tour. I don’t care to be better
than anyone else; I don’t care to be labelled anything. I enjoy
the process of surfing competitions but, I mean, to walk home
with a trophy or a bigger paycheque, doesn’t mean anything to
me. I don’t have that barbarian urge to overcome and slay other
people.
THE SPORTSWRITER: Yet, no man is perfect. When do
you feel an irresistible urge to slay?
DANE: I don’t wanna name any names but there are certain people
that bug the shit out of me and I wanna beat them pretty bad.
THE SPORTSWRITER: Can you describe this lust to
win?
DANE: It comes down to when I get guys who take it way too
serious. Ones that make you wanna throw it back at em. I don’t
know, shit. Not really, though. I don’t care if people are better
than me in any way.
THE SPORTSWRITER: What part of the competitive
process do you like?
DANE: I like the Game Day excitement. It’s like you’re a kid goin’
to a swim meet. Throwing on a jersey. The excitement of going
out in a heat. It can be fun. But once it’s all over and you’ve lost,
you’re kinda, fuck that, really. But, y’know, I just don’t have any
reason not to be on the tour. I do enjoy it. I enjoy surfing heats. I
just don’t really put a whole lot on winning or losing. I don’t see
my happiness as relying on me winning a heat.
THE SPORTSWRITER: This kindness, this natural man,
persona. Would you ever throw it out the window, if
your competition was down, needing an eight, with a
minute to go, and you held priority? Would you sit on
the lousy bastard?
DANE: Ha! Nah! That’s just what happened in Tahiti with Aritz. He
needed a 7.67 and I just hung out the back and he cruised on
the inside and got an eight right at the end.
THE SPORTSWRITER: Ah, that! Did you experience
disappointment?
DANE: No, but it kinda bugs the shit out of me when you see ‘em
fly off the back with their arms flailing in the air, claiming it. That
kinda bugs.
THE SPORTSWRITER: I’ve been told by the Grand
Queen of Surfer magazine, a dear ol pal of mine, that
you wrote only one name down on your list of the 20
Greatest Surfers of All Time, and that was Kelly Slater.
Why, just the one?
DANE: I didn’t fill out any form. They’ve been hunting me down.
A guy who works for handed me one of those sheets on
the plane to Tahiti. I don’t believe I’ve filled it in.
THE SPORTSWRITER: So, who would you put in a top
five?
DANE: Well, I mean, I can you tell why I didn’t fill in the form.
THE SPORTSWRITER: Why?
DANE: Well, shit, I’ve been surfing since 1996. I have an extremely
narrow view of who the greatest surfers in the world are. And by
me saying, Kelly Slater, Taylor Knox and Andy Irons, I’m fucking
up the whole balance. I don’t know who the greatest surfer in the
world is. And, it’s a stupid thing to even think of, really. How are
we going to compare Kelly Slater’s competitive success with the
inspiration of, say, Miki Dora. He totally inspired a total generation
of surfers. Shit, I don’t even know that! I’m just repeating what
I’ve heard. I didn’t live through that. I don’t know what I’m talking
about. I can’t say who the greatest surfers are in the history of
surfing.
THE SPORTSWRITER: It’s your total fabulousness that
makes your opinion so valuable.
DANE: Rating people into numbers is a strange thing, too. It’s
like being on the tour. We’re all assigned numbers and we live
according to our ratings. I don’t see any point in rating people.
THE SPORTSWRITER: The rest of the year. What’s the
plan as you drift downward?
DANE: Um…um…I’m doin’ the rest of the events. The tour
doesn’t really give me the time to do anything else. Today, I saw
a camper on the road and I was thinking how sweet that’d be
to drive across the United States to the East Coast in summer
and drive up the coast and surf. I just don’t have the time for that
sorta shit… In between events I’ve been trying to go to places I
wanna go, but time-wise, it cramps things in. But, I guess, that’s
Posts: 5
Reply #5 on : Fri November 06, 2009, 15:03:00