The Truth About Everything...
Interview by Charlie Smith
portrait by Steve Sherman
surf shot by D. Hump
Bruce Irons is a wise motherfucker. Wise enough to get off the tour, keep all his money and start living a perfect life. We discussed what other wise men said on a breezy December night. I was in Los Angeles wearing a pair of Helmut Lang skinny jeans, a long sleeved, black Dickies button-up and a pair of L.L. Bean Bison, double-soled shearling slippers. Bruce was leaving a store on the North Shore and I don’t know what he was wearing.
C: Bruce? YEAH! Thanks for calling. We’re going to talk about truth.
B: What? Troops?
T: Truth
B: Troops as in fuckin’ army troops?
C: TruTH as in veracity.
B: Fuck yeah. Let’s go. Truth. Yeah, man.
C: Friedrich Nietzsche said, “Egoism is the very essence
of a noble soul.”
B: Egoism is the essence of a noble soul. Hmmm. Fuck.
I don’t know. What am I supposed to say to that? I
don’t know if I really agree.
C: Well, I would say that the public perception of
you is that you’re arrogant. Nietzsche, and I, would
argue that arrogance is a good quality.
B: Yeah? Arrogant? For sure I think I’m a cocky prick.
I mean, you can’t grow up where I did and not be. It’s,
like, fuckin’ sort of essential for survival. You gotta be
a cocky prick to get by. But I don’t want or try to be
egotistical.
C: What’s the difference between being “egotistical”
and being “cocky?”
B: Fuck, I’d say that if you’re egotistical you’re always
saying shit like, “I’m this…” or “I’m that…” I don’t do
that shit. I let my actions speak for me. Being cocky
is knowing what you’re capable of and fucking doing
it. I’m a confident motherfucker, for sure. Also being a
wiseass. I’m definitely a fuckin’ wiseass.
C: Fair enough. Continuing on this theme, do you
like being in the public eye? The centre of attention?
B: You know, anyone who tells you “no” is a lying bitch.
I like to be the center of attention. I like it. I mean, who doesn’t like to be noticed for what they’re doing? Then
again, it can be a little uncomfortable when fuckin’
creepy photogs are coming around and taking pictures
or you have to talk to people who are asking weird interview
questions…not you, man, you’re totally cool… but
C: Are you sure?
B: Yeah, yeah, you’re cool, but some dudes just ask
super weird questions and it gets creepy. But, really,
anyone who complains about that is a bitch. It’s fun.
C: Have you felt the spotlight burning even brighter
now that you’re stepping down from the tour?
B: Oh, fuck yeah. It has definitely picked up. Fuck, I
mean, before I made the tour I was always out there,
you know, and it was great. I was doing what I wanted
and it was great. Then I made the tour and fucking
disappeared. On the tour I slowed down. Everything
fuckin’ slowed down.
C: Let’s talk about the tour. Was your exit an act of
rebellion?
B: Not rebellion. You can call it that if you want.
C: Marquis de Sade said, “Social order at the expense
of liberty is hardly a bargain.”
B: I mean, I never really saw it as a rebellion, or a
revolution or whatever. Not a lot of guys from Hawaii or
from Kauai have ever made the tour. I made it. I did it
for six years. Last year the waves were bad. This year
they weren’t as bad but still they weren’t great and I just
wasn’t happy. Fuck, it got so that when I was at some
of the tour stops I couldn’t even call the boys back
home because I couldn’t stand hearing that the waves
were good back home and I had to ride some sloppy
shit somewhere so I just stopped calling. You know,
they’d tell me how good it was even if it was shitty and
I would just go crazy. I’d fuckin’ bounce off the walls. I
was over it. Over not surfing where I wanted to surf.
C: Hmmm. I want you to become a little rebellious
Sadist vis a vis the tour, but whatevs.
B: Hahaha. I set my mind, tried it out, it’s just not my
thing. If you’re Kelly or Parko or my brother then it’s really
cool. They’re all great at it and do really well. It’s not
for me though. Nothing against it, just not for me.
C: You seem to be a homebody.
B: Totally. I love being at home, on the islands. I love
it. When I made the tour I got to travel, and I’m glad I
got to do that, but fuck. Now? I love being at home.
Love it. I know a lot of kids coming up too totally rip but
don’t want to ever leave so they’ll never do the tour or
anything.
C: Lots of time at home, eh? Kierkegaard said,
“Boredom is the root of all evil.”
B: Fuck, I totally agree with that. I’ve been in my share
of trouble out of boredom. But being home I’m just
surfing like crazy all winter and fishing in the summer.
Fuck, I could fish 12 hours a day. I got a great boat, a
22-foot Hawaiian Sea Cat, and everything. Yeah, and
when I decided to quit the tour I told Volcom and they
were super supportive. They bought Gerry Lopez’s
house and I have the whole upper floor. So, I’m surfing
Pipeline all winter and we’re filming and stuff. And I just
got married…
C: Congratulations.
B: Thanks, man. I’ve been married for six months and
my wife is six months pregnant…
C: Shotgun city?
B: No no. It was planned. We’ve been planning it for a
while.
C: Girl or boy?
B: Girl. Due March 18. And I’m building my dream
house on Kauai. So much is going on and everything is
fucking great.
C: It sounds great. Gerry Lopez’s house on the
North Shore, surfing Pipe, dream house on Kauai,
happy wife and baby on the way. Are you worried
your whole life has peaked at, what are you, 29?
Like, nothing could get better than it is now?
B: Fuck no. I feel that I haven’t surfed in five years.
Because of the tour I surf the way I don’t like. I’ve hated
the way I’ve surfed. Hated it. Now, not having to do it,
I’m so excited to get back and do what I want to do. To
fucking push it. Surf the way I can.
C: Who pushes your surfing?
B: I love surfing with Parko, he’s so fucking smooth.
And with Dane punting, like, 20-foot airs and with Nathan
Fletcher and Koby. Nathan and Koby are with me
right now. Those guys push me.
C: Party time at the Gerry Lopez house?
B: Fuck no. It’s quiet. People respect it. Anyone who
wants to party goes to the other Volcom house…
C: That reminds me, I read a quote from you that
you would never fucking motherfucking live in LA
or something like that. Still true?
B: No, no, I’d move to LA if I was single. I’d be raging all
night and flying home for every swell like Koby. He’s like
the fucking nightclub king over there (LA) and he flies in
for all the swells.
C: So, we’ve discussed Nietzsche and arrogance,
De Sade and rebellion, Kierkegaard and boredom.
Combining all three for the final question, would you
let Kelly Slater suck your dick for $1,000,000?
B: Fuck! I’d take the money and cut his fucking head
off. That’s creepy. Fuck. No man is gonna touch my
dick. Yeah, I’d fucking cut his head off, but after I got
the money. This question is fucked up. It’s so funny,
though. Are you gonna ask this to other guys too?
C: Yes.
Posts: 17
Reply #17 on : Wed April 07, 2010, 01:19:53