The Truth According to Gorkin
Racism of all sorts flourishes in the deep south of the USA. It’s also the home of one our new faves,
Aaaron Cormican aka Gorkin.
Interview by Charlie Smith
Photos by Tupat
The American South is a magical place. It gets derided as a racist, inbred shit-fest but I’ve been there and I think it’s dreamy. The white men walk tall and ooze a mixture of superior aristocratic snobbery and underdog rage. They wear seersucker. They get drunk on watermelon crush and play the banjo. The black men ooze a mixture of gold-grilled pimp-of-the-world thugism and underdog rage. They wear FUBU. They get drunk on malt liquor and play the banjo. The whites and blacks hate each other, but they hate anybody who’s not from the south even worse. They spend their days, separate but equal, sitting on porches and knowing that the south will rise again. Knowing that they are God’s people. Billy Joel himself even said, “Don’t be afraid to try again. Everyone goes South every now and then.” I love the South! And I love Aaron Cormican.
C: OK we’re going to be talking about the truth as you see it.
A: Yeah?
C: Yes. But before we launch into the deeper thoughts tell me, where were you born?
A: Orlando, basically, but my parents moved to the beach soon after that.
C: So you’re a rebel yell, died in the grey wool confederate boy?
A: Like prejudiced?
C: No no. Not prejudiced. No underhanded angling from me. I love the South. I’m jealous of you for having it.
A: Ah, thanks. Yeah, um, I’m like a fuckin’ redneck but not racist. I listen to rap music. I’m like southern funk. I love the south. It’s laid back and mellow. People are nice and it’s real uncrowded. Like, towns on the beach with only 5,000 or so people. I’m definitely proud of it. It’s fun. You get to be kind of raw. But also respectful.
C: Beautifully put. Let’s talk about great southern men.
A: Alright.
C: You ever read William Faulkner?
A: Who?
C: Faulkner? He is a famous southern author.
A: Oh yeah, my street is named Faulkner.
C: Perfect. He said, “If I were reincarnated, I’d want to come back a buzzard. Nothing hates him or envies him or wants or needs him. He is never bothered or in danger, and he can eat anything.” What would you want to be reincarnated as?
A: A Great White. They don’t have anything to fear and they can mess anybody up if they want to.
C: Would you nibble surfers?
A: Nah…well unless they pissed me off or something.
C: Are there lots of sharks in Floridian waters?
A: Yeah we got bull sharks and…
C: Bull sharks? I heard that they are the worst. I heard Jaws was based on a bull shark who swam up a river in New York and ate northern bathers.
A: Yup. That one was supposed to be seventeen feet. They’re super gnarly.
C: Sharks are eating Australia right now.
A: Yeah, I read about it. It’s awesome.
C: Besides sharks Florida used to be famous for cocaine traffic. If you were baron of a cocaine empire, what would you wear, where would you live and who would you employ?
A: I would walk around in my boxers all day. I’d still live in New Burna and travel. Kimbo Slice and Rampage Jackson for security, then some underground Russians.
C: Great. Good. On to the Great Tycoon, Robert E. Lee. He is quoted as saying, “I like whiskey. I always did. That’s why I never drink it.” You’re a renowned druggie. Discuss.
A: Ah, I don’t do drugs. I tried mushrooms and acid when I was a kid but now I just like smokin’ weed.
C: Hmmm. Do you like being the posterchild for weed consumption or does it get old?
A: I kinda don’t really mind. I mean, I’m not claiming I’m some genius or something. All I wanted to do when I was a kid was to be a surfer. Wanted it to be my job. In the time when I came up all the surfers would smoke weed but they’d all keep it hidden. It was stupid. I just wanted to prove that you can function fine in society smokin’ weed.
C: Do you still push it out there as much?
A: Not really. I’ve had a lot of bad tension from some of the older folks in town, but whatever. I don’t hide anything. It was good to push it out at the time. All the pretty boys were the only ones gettin’ any sponsorships. I didn’t want to be like them. Then …Lost came along.
C: Dating strippers. Good or bad?
A: Ohhhh, I don’t know about dating ‘em, but they could be good for some fun.
C: …lost needs a whooping, hollering good ol’ boy on the team. I’m sure Biolos approves of your antics.
A: hahaha.
C: How are things now that you’re back in the fold?
A: Yeah, I kinda took a break for a while, but it’s the best thing ever now that I’m back.
C: Biolos is a honey that way. He’s like a tasty meal of collard greens, cornbread and chicken-fried steak.
A: He’s super no bullshit. Pretty smart guy. He gives me a lot of good advice.
C: What are your feelings about surfers being musicians?
A: Like the Japanese Motors? Haahaha. These guys nowadays are too much. Be a surfer who enjoys playin’ music or a musician that surfs. Don’t try to be something you’re not. These guys all want to be someone who has already been, like Dora, Phil Edwards etc.
C: What about the green movement in surfing? Important or retarded?
A: I like green! Hahaha, but yeah, it’s good to try and be aware of it if you are doin’ something to harm the environment. Go green. Never, brown or seeds.
C: You are an original rebel and a gentleman. Quintessential. Like mint juleps and seersucker. Now onto Nathan Bedford Forrest, founder of the KKK.
A: Oh shit.
C: Nothing racist here. He just said, “No damn man kills me and lives.” I hear you’re a fighter.
A: Well, I’m not gonna take any bullshit. I always speak my mind if I don’t approve of something.
C: Do you enjoy a good mid session punch up?
A: Nowadays you can’t do much fightin’. People sue and everything. I mean, it’s ok to be raw, but you can’t go around pickin’ fights and all. I kinda slapped one kid in the lineup recently and felt like I shouldnta. He was 22.
C: You’re growing up.
A: It’s cool to be young and have fun. Fuck, I don’t know.
C: Nate Forrest sure hated negras. Who do you hate?
A: All the 14-year-old spoon-fed groms who make way too much way too early. They have no idea about real life, like workin’ in the kitchen washin’ dishes or bussin’ tables. They don’t know what it is like to earn a hard dollar.
C: The KKK lynches negras. What southern style beatdown do you propose handing to the spoiled?
A: I’d tell ‘em to put their shitkickers on and make ‘em shovel cow shit for their pay of one dollar an hour. Then tar and feather ‘em.
C: When Jerry Lee Lewis married his 13-year-old cousin I think he almost got tarred and feathered. Or maybe his music was just banned. In any case, The Killer claimed, “Other people, they practice and they practice. These fingers of mine, they got brains in ‘em. You don’t tell them what to do – they do it. God given talent.” Do you have to practise the surfing?
A: Nah, I just go out and surf. If I’m trying out a new move or something I might do it over and over and whatever, but I wouldn’t call it practising.
C: How long will you spend in the water?
A: If there are waves, I’ll maybe go out for a few hours. If it’s really good I might stay out a few more.
C: Do you like the waves in Australia?
A: Yeah, it’s great.
C: Australians. Worthless second-tier Americans or evolved Westerners?
A: That’s a good question?
C: Yes. They need to learn their place. How red, white and blue are you?
A: Ahhh, I don’t really think about that stuff.
C: Back to Faulkner, since he is a god in your country and in my heart. He stated, “There’s something about jumping a horse over a fence, something that makes you feel good. Perhaps it’s the risk, the gamble. In any event, it’s a thing I need.” You like jumping a surfboard. Do you ever feel pigeonholed?
A: It doesn’t really bother me. I just like to surf. The waves that come around here are good for doing airs, so that’s what I do. You’re not really gonna get barreled in New Smyrna. So those are just the waves I surf… but I like surfing lots of waves.
C: You’re going to Hawaii soon. Excited?
A: I’m so freaked out. I’m frothing. I can’t wait. The whole trip last year, the focus was on Pipe. I surfed the whole strip but spent most time out at Pipe. Getting some waves. Stepping my game up. Surfing out there turns into a little addiction.
C: How do you find your waves?
A: I really just keep to myself. Stay low key. I sorta sneak around and pick ‘em off. You really just have to time your sessions. Like if you see all the boys paddling out, then just wait until they come in.
C: So you’re just going to be a little barrel boy?
A: No way. I’ll go get my airs. There’s a contest for $50,000 for the biggest air and I haven’t submitted anything yet so I gotta get crackin’ on that.
C: Kustom Airstrike. I’ll look forward to seeing your submission.
A: Thanks. I gotta do something pretty amazing. Some of the stuff on there is wild.
C: You will win. Last question. Would you let Kelly Slater suck your dick for $1,000,00?
A: Oh my god. Uhhhhh no way.
C: You’re not sucking his dick. He’s sucking yours. There’s no amount of money you’d do it for?
A: Ugh. No. I like pussy too much.
Posts: 1
Reply #1 on : Tue June 09, 2009, 08:18:34