Stab Magazine Billabong

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Peta Smith

Peta Smith Writer

if it's not fun it's not worth doing..although sleep is possibly an exception to the rule

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15

Votes last round 62

  • Port of Indecision south-west of Disorder, NSW
  • 19
  • German tourists.
  • I don't mind some Roddy Doyle. And of course Beyonce.
  • Click here
  • I have an extra knuckle on my left hand...
  • when my stand up career was interrupted by long pauses of silence and a lot of tumble weed.
  • finish this law degree. Actually that's now plan C. Plan B would be morph into an animorph. And then occasionally morph back again.
  • The Alchemist- gave validation to all the stupid things I do. Life of Pi -loved the chaos and the intense creativity.
  • The Cat in the Hat..no explanation needed...huge rhyming cat man. What a scream
  • I once saw this thing on Discovery about how the Africans actually invented surfing not the Hawaiians. Love a lil controversy.
  • Dolly. JOKES. I like J mag. and STAB is god's gift OBVIOUSLY
  • I get kicked in the boobs by screaming kids and sing humpty dumpty with full grown men and babies...I swim teach.
  • being pulled up the t-bar by my ankle, stripping into my undies in front of my prinicpal, under water rock running into a school of stingers, laughing so hard I wet myself on Kayla's lounge, Crescent Head schoolies, Pertovska vodka
  • completely reasonable. Try telling a homeless bum that money won't make you happy.
  • the return of Captain Planet and the Planeteers to save us all.
  • a bit like paint ball...if you get involved you're going to get very hurt and very messy. But I wouldn't have it any other way.
 
 

I've gone nuts.

So I guess this is the section where you want me to impress you with my wit and clever literary skills?

Or write an epic story about my epic surf trip to the epic epicentre of epicness.

But you're probably just sitting there wishing I would shut up.

So here is me in a nut shell.

Actually whilst we're on the topic of nuts, I have a real issue with the names of nuts. See yesterday I was in Woolworths and I was about to do the quick nut steal when I read that the nuts were called Pistachios. Then I thought to myself, "Do you really want to eat a nut with the word piss in it?".
And I decided that no I did not.
Except the peanuts didn't exactly solve the whole "wee nut" problem at all. A piss-stachio and a pee-nut. Basically here were two nuts that both had urine in their names.

"Okay" I thought to myself "You're being immature. Forget about the wee nuts and have one of those kidney shaped ones".

The only problem with eating a cashew was that I'd never really thought about the name of it.
Until now.
"Cash-shoe".
Cash- the dirtiest piece of unhygienic handled paper you'll ever love, and shoes, the filthiest piece of apparel.
Now I've seen everything. Two nuts named after urine and one nut named after germ infested money sandals. Even when I was trying to weigh up which one was seedier, I wasn't sure whether I would prefer to eat wee, or shoes and money.

Instead I decided I was being absolutely ridiculous and I would just eat the big round nuts in the corner...until....I read that they were called Brazilian nuts. WHAT!? A nut named after a waxed testicle. Do people actually purchase nuts named after shiny balls?

I wasn't sure, but it was enough to put me off nuts altogether.

In conclusion, I spent 10 minutes in the nut section of Woolworths deliberating over the names of nuts, made myself feel ill, and decided to pick pocket a grape instead. For starters, grapes don't have disgusting names, and secondly, grapes are much juicier than salty wee nuts.

So that's me in a nutshell.

Actually I might just rephrase that.

That's me in a grape.

 Now go ahead and stab me.

 


Views: 1797
 
 
  • Will Shea Shea
    Posted by Will Shea Shea on July 15, 2009

    GOLDyou need to write something again

  • Tom Watson
    Posted by Tom Watson on June 10, 2009

    hay just a few birds in that photo. lol great stuff. stab! stab back.?

  • Georgina McGregor
    Posted by Georgina McGregor on June 9, 2009

    stabbed, your awsome. :)

  • Craig Capper
    Posted by Craig Capper on June 9, 2009

    hahahah...rofl with your bio piece.....hadnt looked at nuts that way, but no you got me thinking...lol...STABS UP

  • Amanda Flanagan
    Posted by Amanda Flanagan on June 9, 2009

    Hahah Parrot on your head :) STabs or stabs :) xo

  • Sam Chalmers
    Posted by Sam Chalmers on June 9, 2009

    i really like your work, stabbed, hit me back if you have the chance, good luck!

  • Megan Osler
    Posted by Megan Osler on June 9, 2009

    creative work :) good luck x

  • ellen jenkinson
    Posted by ellen jenkinson on June 4, 2009

    quite fancy your writing especially your bio. good luck!

  • Jayde DeVries
    Posted by Jayde DeVries on May 31, 2009

    i really like ur bio :) u write really well...stabbed...hope u check out mine and stab back :)

  • Sam Edmonds
    Posted by Sam Edmonds on May 17, 2009

    is that monique farmer in that photo? your funny. stabs

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