There's no proper way to introduce this subject, except to say that we live in a world of stupid bullshit, you know, the type of stuff that just pisses you off. It's spreading like wildfire, day after day you just look at certain situations and think "what the fuck is going on there?" So instead of beating around the bush and explaining my mindset, I'm just going to jump straight into this with my list, entitled "Stuff that Pisses Me Off".
REALITY TV Remember back in the days when reality TV started to take off, and although you knew it was crap, you were a little intrigued by it's notions, so you tuned in once every now and then to see what when on in the Big Brother house, or turned over to see who would eat the fresh monkey nugget on that Survivor show? Well those days are gone! The original concept of people competing in real-life situations to win a small cash prize has been hijacked by brain-dead 20-somethings or fat housewives trying to make it big and hopefully end up hosting a late night game show or scoring a 10-minute slot on a commercial radio Morning program. But no matter what happens, the moron population still tunes in every week to watch these inbreeds parading around on whatever the latest "stroke of television genius" program is aired at the time. Whether it's singing, dancing, cooking, sitting on ones arse or trying to be the first one to jack off a dog, there's one thing that remains central, bitching and moaning. "Jason doesn't look at me when he's talking to me", "Mercedes ate the rest of my cheesecake", "Mark used the last one of my tampons to put up his date while Chris was giving him a reach-around", it never fucking stops. And I love the fact that some television broadcasters deem that happenings on these shows are all of a sudden newsworthy. Who cares if a cyclone in a Burmese province killed 8000 people, lets lead tonight's bulletin with Rachel having a breakdown because it's her cat Mittens' birthday and she can't be there to watch it piss in a tray then lick its arse. Oh don't worry friends; the best is yet to come. Saw the ad for the cross programming dream of Biggest Loser and So You Think You Can Dance. I believe it's called "Gavin's a Fat Fuck who can't be stuffed going to the Gym, so we're putting on some music and poking him with a cattle prod".
OFFICE MONKEY'S Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing bad about having a job and making some cash. Everyone needs it in this society, and sometimes you are going to have to work in an office building, but there is a difference between an office worker and an office monkey. You know the type; sit around on a Friday afternoon with gin and tonics, interrupting my beverage enjoyment with two hours of whinging because Mary didn't file the Johnson papers in the correct chronological order. And the whole time you can't tell whether they're talking to their mates or taking a call because they are still wired up on one of those hands-free mouth pieces, because you have to have the hands free just in case there's and emergency, or more likely for giving your stepbrother a wristy when you get through the door tonight. There's always the gossip portion of the evening as well. Someone heard it was Callum that was putting the extra two scoops of coffee in the percolator every afternoon, or so and so saw the two nerds from level five holding hands at the movies the other night. It all ends up with them stumbling home at three am, crinkled shirt and lost tie, wondering how they didn't score that blonde at the bar after they bought her two drinks. Here's a memo for you: You lead a pointless existence. Fuck Off.
RULES AND REGULATIONS Yes we need some sort of guidelines to keep a world of over 5 billion people in some sort of order, but Western society has gone too far. This is thanks to the vast majority of idiots. We now have rules for EVERYTHING. Where we can walk, where we can talk, where we can take a piss, everything. Give me the rules of common sense any day. What is the rule of common sense you ask? Travel to many other countries around this great world and you will see it in action. Yes they have rules, but only for major occurrences, like killing or stealing or touching little kiddies. A vast majority of our petty little rules are non-existent over there. If I want to have a beer and walk down the street I can, if I want to take the short-cut through someone's backyard, I will, and if I want to climb a streetlight wearing nothing but my Chewbacca mask, god damn it I'll be cheered on. But if you step out of line, they'll sort you out, or your action itself will sort you out (don't jay walk in front of a fifty tonne truck). The problem with the common sense rule in western society is that a vast majority of us don't display any common sense. We are a population of babies who have been conditioned to ask permission just to take a turd. We have even got to the stage where we reward people for breaking the major rules by creating even more minute laws apparently committed against them. You can get sued for anything. The perfect example is the robber who fell on a knife and sued the homeowner for damages. And won! This is where we develop the "you're an idiot" rule, quite similar to the common sense law, and also known as "tough luck, dickhead". So your kid broke his arm on the locker at school, he shouldn't have been dry humping Brendan. So you lost a finger putting your hand in the bread slicer at work, shouldn't have drank those 12 stubbies at lunch, idiot. You broke your neck falling from the streetlight with your pants over your head? Tough luck, dickhead.
THE ‘SPECIAL' GENERATION Here's the one that makes me enemies, but it's my favourite, so we're gonna do it anyway. It's the ‘special' kids. No, not "Tommy sits in class with his stack-hat on chewing the corners of books" special, but every other stinking cabbage being born every day, into a generation of young mothers who, looking for some false feeling of self importance and security, believe that their child is more ‘special' than everyone else's. Like it's somehow special that of the 5 billion little tadpole-looking things shot up in there every night for the past 3 weeks, one managed to do what mother nature intended, and hit the mark. Kids these days are treated like Gods, and it's to their own detriment. They are waited on hand and foot, treated as if they are the most important thing the world has ever seen, and bred into a cycle of whinging, dependent, un-inspired humans who can't wipe their own arse let alone have an independent thought at some stage during their life. You wonder why childhood obesity is such an issue? Mummy won't force David to get off the couch and go play forty-forty home because David doesn't want to lose this level of his latest Playstation game, and anyway mum its Hungry Jack's Tuesday. Shit, whatever happened to just going outside and playing? When we were kids give us a ball of string, two dog bones and a half a sheet of roofing tin and 30 minutes later it's world war three in the backyard. Oh, that's right, I forgot what happened, now it's mummy and daddy's ‘special' kids. I'll tell you what's special, raising a kid who will end up a contributing member of society, as opposed to the likely scenario of it dropping out of school to impregnate it's half cousin and work all the way to assistant manager at Burbsville McDonalds by age 42. That would be special.
So that's it fellow citizens, a small look into what pisses me off (well today anyway) in this society of fat, consumer happy, lazy beings. So you can go back to your houses in gated communities, turn on your Tivo, and call up your next door neighbours on a phone that gets picture messages and scratches your crotch at the same time, all safe in the knowledge that nothing will change, and what I say doesn't matter one tiny shit. But I feel a touch better.
Off Pissing........
There's no proper way to introduce this subject, except to say that we live in a world of stupid bullshit, you know, the type of stuff that just pisses you off. It's spreading like wildfire, day after day you just look at certain situations and think "what the fuck is going on there?" So instead of beating around the bush and explaining my mindset, I'm just going to jump straight into this with my list, entitled "Stuff that Pisses Me Off".
REALITY TV
Remember back in the days when reality TV started to take off, and although you knew it was crap, you were a little intrigued by it's notions, so you tuned in once every now and then to see what when on in the Big Brother house, or turned over to see who would eat the fresh monkey nugget on that Survivor show? Well those days are gone! The original concept of people competing in real-life situations to win a small cash prize has been hijacked by brain-dead 20-somethings or fat housewives trying to make it big and hopefully end up hosting a late night game show or scoring a 10-minute slot on a commercial radio Morning program. But no matter what happens, the moron population still tunes in every week to watch these inbreeds parading around on whatever the latest "stroke of television genius" program is aired at the time. Whether it's singing, dancing, cooking, sitting on ones arse or trying to be the first one to jack off a dog, there's one thing that remains central, bitching and moaning. "Jason doesn't look at me when he's talking to me", "Mercedes ate the rest of my cheesecake", "Mark used the last one of my tampons to put up his date while Chris was giving him a reach-around", it never fucking stops. And I love the fact that some television broadcasters deem that happenings on these shows are all of a sudden newsworthy. Who cares if a cyclone in a Burmese province killed 8000 people, lets lead tonight's bulletin with Rachel having a breakdown because it's her cat Mittens' birthday and she can't be there to watch it piss in a tray then lick its arse. Oh don't worry friends; the best is yet to come. Saw the ad for the cross programming dream of Biggest Loser and So You Think You Can Dance. I believe it's called "Gavin's a Fat Fuck who can't be stuffed going to the Gym, so we're putting on some music and poking him with a cattle prod".
OFFICE MONKEY'S
Now don't get me wrong, there is nothing bad about having a job and making some cash. Everyone needs it in this society, and sometimes you are going to have to work in an office building, but there is a difference between an office worker and an office monkey. You know the type; sit around on a Friday afternoon with gin and tonics, interrupting my beverage enjoyment with two hours of whinging because Mary didn't file the Johnson papers in the correct chronological order. And the whole time you can't tell whether they're talking to their mates or taking a call because they are still wired up on one of those hands-free mouth pieces, because you have to have the hands free just in case there's and emergency, or more likely for giving your stepbrother a wristy when you get through the door tonight. There's always the gossip portion of the evening as well. Someone heard it was Callum that was putting the extra two scoops of coffee in the percolator every afternoon, or so and so saw the two nerds from level five holding hands at the movies the other night. It all ends up with them stumbling home at three am, crinkled shirt and lost tie, wondering how they didn't score that blonde at the bar after they bought her two drinks.
Here's a memo for you: You lead a pointless existence. Fuck Off.
RULES AND REGULATIONS
Yes we need some sort of guidelines to keep a world of over 5 billion people in some sort of order, but Western society has gone too far. This is thanks to the vast majority of idiots. We now have rules for EVERYTHING. Where we can walk, where we can talk, where we can take a piss, everything. Give me the rules of common sense any day. What is the rule of common sense you ask? Travel to many other countries around this great world and you will see it in action. Yes they have rules, but only for major occurrences, like killing or stealing or touching little kiddies. A vast majority of our petty little rules are non-existent over there. If I want to have a beer and walk down the street I can, if I want to take the short-cut through someone's backyard, I will, and if I want to climb a streetlight wearing nothing but my Chewbacca mask, god damn it I'll be cheered on. But if you step out of line, they'll sort you out, or your action itself will sort you out (don't jay walk in front of a fifty tonne truck). The problem with the common sense rule in western society is that a vast majority of us don't display any common sense. We are a population of babies who have been conditioned to ask permission just to take a turd.
We have even got to the stage where we reward people for breaking the major rules by creating even more minute laws apparently committed against them. You can get sued for anything. The perfect example is the robber who fell on a knife and sued the homeowner for damages. And won! This is where we develop the "you're an idiot" rule, quite similar to the common sense law, and also known as "tough luck, dickhead". So your kid broke his arm on the locker at school, he shouldn't have been dry humping Brendan. So you lost a finger putting your hand in the bread slicer at work, shouldn't have drank those 12 stubbies at lunch, idiot. You broke your neck falling from the streetlight with your pants over your head? Tough luck, dickhead.
THE ‘SPECIAL' GENERATION
Here's the one that makes me enemies, but it's my favourite, so we're gonna do it anyway. It's the ‘special' kids. No, not "Tommy sits in class with his stack-hat on chewing the corners of books" special, but every other stinking cabbage being born every day, into a generation of young mothers who, looking for some false feeling of self importance and security, believe that their child is more ‘special' than everyone else's. Like it's somehow special that of the 5 billion little tadpole-looking things shot up in there every night for the past 3 weeks, one managed to do what mother nature intended, and hit the mark. Kids these days are treated like Gods, and it's to their own detriment. They are waited on hand and foot, treated as if they are the most important thing the world has ever seen, and bred into a cycle of whinging, dependent, un-inspired humans who can't wipe their own arse let alone have an independent thought at some stage during their life. You wonder why childhood obesity is such an issue? Mummy won't force David to get off the couch and go play forty-forty home because David doesn't want to lose this level of his latest Playstation game, and anyway mum its Hungry Jack's Tuesday. Shit, whatever happened to just going outside and playing? When we were kids give us a ball of string, two dog bones and a half a sheet of roofing tin and 30 minutes later it's world war three in the backyard. Oh, that's right, I forgot what happened, now it's mummy and daddy's ‘special' kids. I'll tell you what's special, raising a kid who will end up a contributing member of society, as opposed to the likely scenario of it dropping out of school to impregnate it's half cousin and work all the way to assistant manager at Burbsville McDonalds by age 42. That would be special.
So that's it fellow citizens, a small look into what pisses me off (well today anyway) in this society of fat, consumer happy, lazy beings. So you can go back to your houses in gated communities, turn on your Tivo, and call up your next door neighbours on a phone that gets picture messages and scratches your crotch at the same time, all safe in the knowledge that nothing will change, and what I say doesn't matter one tiny shit. But I feel a touch better.
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10
by Will Shea Shea
July 15, 2009